The Best Paragraph of All Time. Of All Time!!

Dear John- from the lovely and always sappy Nicholas Sparks

I honestly cannot tell if this is genius or absolutely horrific:

"As soon as the plane landed, my anticipation grew and I could feel my ticker booming. But I didn't know how to act. Should I jog toward her as soon as I spotted her or stroll casually, cool and in control? I still wasn't sure, but before I could dwell on it, I was in the cattle chute, moving up the aisle. I slung my duffel bag over my shoulder as I emerged from the ramp that accessed the terminal. I didn't see her at first- too many folks milling around. When I scanned the area a second time, I saw her off to the left and instantly realized that all my worries had been pointless, for she spotted me and came running at full tilt. I barely had time to drop my duffel bag before she jumped into my arms, and the kiss that followed was like its own magic kingdom, complete with its special language and geography, fabulous myths and wonders for the ages. And when she pulled back and whispered 'I missed you so much,' I felt as if I'd been put back together after spending a year cut in half."

Cheesy? Check.
Gratuitous use of all manner of cliches? Check.
Awkward repetition and specificity of the phrase "duffel bag"? Check.
Kiss= magical kingdom geography? Myths? Also check.

Well played, Sir Nicholas, well played.

Now if only the cover of your book didn't look as though Channing Tatum was wearing a mummified head around his neck. (Where is that girl's body!? For real. The expression on her face screams "mummified.")

Three Christmas Songs I Refuse To Stop Listening To After Christmas

Well, the first two are winter songs. You know, winter doesn't end after Christmas. There are still two more months of cold and ice to endure without the promise of hot chocolate and presents. Therefore, I propose the continued presence of winter songs as a remedy to January gloominess.

1. Baby It's Cold Outside
Despite a little bit of a date-rape undertone ("say, what's in this drink?!"), this song never fails to warm my heart with all of its implied romance and promiscuity. Aw. And with Zooey Deschanel, my favorite Manic Pixie Dream Girl, everything becomes intensified with awesome.

2. Sleigh Ride- Leroy Anderson
I named my car Leroy Anderson after the genius behind this song. No joke. And, it's instrumental, so if it weren't for the slight jingle of bells every once in a while, no one would ever identify it as Christmas music, right? Anyhow, you can go on a sleigh ride any ol' time when there is snow on the ground.

3. All I Want For Christmas Is You
Okay, undeniably Christmas-y. Cheesy. Overdone. But Love Actually melted my brain and now I listen to this song on repeat the entire month of December.

What Christmas song do you listen to in July?

3D- it will change your life!

Apparently, if you see Avatar in 3d, it will change the way you think about movies- forever! It will change your life! Never before has something in three dimensions appeared so three dimensional!

I must admit when I saw Avatar in 2d I disliked it immensely. *braces self for angry backlash*

It's just that I have no desire to invest myself in 3d-OMGwe-are-so-edgy-sci-fi-fangirlfangirl-Fern-Gully-2. I mean, the script was doomed to cliche-dom as soon as Jake Sully fell in love with the blue version of Zoe Saldana, who turned out to be the alien chief's daughter. Ick.

I did have a few favorite parts of the movie, however, to be fair.

1. Michelle Rodriguez's shirt
Which looked like this:














Which is simultaneously the most badass way to wear a shirt and one of the most ridiculous. It plays right into fanboy fantasies though. I mean, of course the hot fighter pilot can't just wear a normal tank top! Oh no! She must have that cleavage on display, lest we forget she's female! Which we won't!

That said, I kind of love it. The feminist in me adores how many strong women were in Avatar. (Even if there is some debate as to whether director Cameron is a feminist ally at all.)

2. Blue Alien Humanoid Sex
I loved that the aliens got to have romantic sex in what seemed like the normal human fashion, although I seriously doubt the presence of humanlike male anatomy underneath that loincloth:

Dude is hung like a Ken doll

Exactly-

The Ironic Hipster Moustache Lament

In case you've been living underneath a rock or tree somewhere far, far out in the wilderness, say, in the nest of a giant mythical bird perched on the side of a sheer rock face, it is my duty to inform you that:

a) You probably have bigger things you should be attending to than reading this here bloggy post.
b) Moustaches are IN.

Now, mind you, not necessarily in one your face. At all, really. In fact, I have never seen someone with a moustache without an accompanying descriptor describing their various "creepy" qualities.

However, moustaches not on your face are so hip.

Examine:

Behold! Moustache socks:
























(Hot Topic) (Unfortunately)

Of course, for added hipster irony, you can place a moustache on top of the part of your face where one would actually go, but that you would never grow because you're not That Guy:



















(American Apparel)

For even more hipster irony, try being a girl!



































(Peter Ibruegger)

Or...huh. Okay:














(Here, where apparently this is considered profitable)

Actually, I might have been wrong about the moustache thing. Does it actually seem to you as though moustaches are on their way out? Overdone? No longer the glory days of the hilarious moustache finger tattoo a la this ferocious kitten?

Oh, wait, those moustache socks are from Hot Topic. It appears as though I have answered my own question.

Goodbye, ironic and adorable moustache! Have fun chillin' in the gutter with the octopi, pirates, whales with oversized eyes, and cartoonish panda bears. See you next time.

Happy Christmas, Harry!

Happy Christmas, Ron.






Why is Harry Potter so Christmas-heavy? I feel as though the Yule Ball chapters take up years in that thing.

The Secret Passage Goes From the Conservatory to the Study...

Conservatory:















Where you can only grow cacti because you always forget to water.


Study:




















Where you read Russian literature, but only for class. When you read Russian literature for fun you sit somewhere more alone.

First Corners

Something we have fetishized in the modern Western world is straight lines. Right angles. The intersection of straight lines at right angles. Corners.

Where would our world be without corners? Even without the round ones we would not be able to connect our walls.

The reminds me of my favorite prank call from elementary school:
Prank caller: ring ring hello
Prank callee: hello
Prank caller: Is Amy Wall there?
Prank callee: No, I'm afraid she isn't...I-
Prank caller: Well then may I speak with Robert Wall?
Prank callee: Uhhh....
Prank caller: How about Jordan Wall?
Prank callee: There are no Walls here.
Prank caller: Well then what's holding the roof up? *hysterical laughter* -click-

Henceforth, this blog will be at least partially devoted to the discovery and admiration of corners.

Like so:

PaintStorm

In order to celebrate the commencement of "teh blogz," (as I hear this is called,) I would like to encourage you to cover things with paint.

Like so:

1) Procure PAINT
(powdered paint to which you add water works nicely and has the added bonus of making a giant mess in the communal sink area.)
2) Splatter.